A Life Surrendered

In an effort to resurrect this blog - the following is an edited/ revised journal exerpt from October 2010. Just a 'brief' overview of what Gods been up to in us over the last 2 years. More to come.

Much has been shared with me recently regarding a life surrendered. And what does that look like? For me? For our family? Well, I know thus far what it seems, and in time, I pray that I can understand more of just what God desires to be accomplished in me (and us) through this time of refining.

2 years ago, God began a mighty work in our hearts. He got ahold of us & challenged us to give everything over to Him. Our plans, our desires, our goals, our talents, our time, our money, our expectations of what this life is suppose to be or contain for us... everything. And thus began the journey of a life surrendered to a Master who has had it all mapped out since the beginning.

First, he convicted us of how we spent our money. Rather, how little we consistently invested in the Kingdom financially. We prayed & sought His guidance for what to give & He revealed it to us. For our still luke warm hearts, this amount seemed like a super lot. It wasn't even a true tithe, but it was what we were commanded to give. And so we began giving. Faithfully. I've always heard testimonies of how believers had a need (financial) and when they became consistent givers - checks appeared in mailboxes, annonymous donations were doled out, bills were paid, or unexpected dividends incurred. None of that happened for us. In fact, just the opposite transpired. Although nothing else changed in our budget or lifestyle - within the first 2 months of giving, we couldn't afford our monthly living expenses.

We continued to pray. We waited. We trusted that our needs would be met. And they were. More abundantly than we could have ever anticipated. Just not in the ways we expected.

Months passed. We depended on our family's generosity to carry us through.

Secondly, He challeneged us to take Him at His word & trust Him with the size of our family. We always hoped we would have more children in addition to Avery. But certainly not then. We weren't even financially independent! Surely we were getting mixed signals. Nope. His Word is clear. His ways are perfect. His mandate to us became - 'Trust and obey. Even when it doesn't make sense to you.'

After months of wrestling with control issues & insecurities & a serious lack of faith - we surrendered it. Four weeks later we found out we were expecting Ansley.

God is so serious about obedience. He is so serious about building His Kingdom. Regardless of how uncomfortable it may make us at times.

Enter insurance nightmare... I mean, opportunity! For God to show up & provide. Just as he always has. And always will.

I had no maternity insurance on my private plan & no option to add it. Our best choice was to get me on Robert's policy through his employer. Great coverage. Huge premium. The monthly amount was enough to make us hit our knees again. Exactly where He wanted us to be. And to stay.  There was no way we could continue to meet our other monthly obligations while accessing this insurance coverage. So - we rented our home & moved in with Robert's mom.

It was during this time that God began to develop in our hearts the idea of moving away from Jacksonville. Although we had grown comfortable there, started a family there, had a home, lives, jobs, extended family there, He reminded us that He is our provider. He gives & takes away. And gives... so much more.

Robert applied for a few jobs in Live Oak & Dowling Park. And just because we are human & tend to second guess & doubt - he even applied for a couple in Jacksonville, as well. You know, so in case God changed His mind we would already have an opened door. We humans & our control issues. Still not willing to completely surrender all of it to His timing & direction.

After much prayer & seeking & waiting - Robert was offered a job in Live Oak. This move allowed us to live with my parents for a while, as the approaching birth of our second daughter would render me incapable of obtaining employment.

We are excited at the prospect of raising our family here. In a community thats a lot like family. Where backyards are shared by all who wander in.

Beyond these plans - I have no idea what God has in store for us  or where this journey may lead. I'm learning lessons as we go through each new stage about Gods character. His unfailing love for us, His grace which covers all my shortcomings & failures, His desires/ plans for our life which He will accomplish in His was, in His time, and by His means...

All in the pursuit of a life surrendered.

It's not easy. It's certainly not comfortable. It's often unfamiliar. It's definitely unpredictable. It's all of these things & yet - it's good. because it all aligns with my Father's will. And I just want to be submitted to Him. I trust that even though it may not seem like it now - and even when I can't see how it's all going to work out - or I don't understand the plan; ultimately, He is working to refine me. To cultivate my trust in Him. He's fulfiling the deepest desires of my heart. In His perfect time and in ways that only He can.

I'm so thankful that He always has me. In every situation. That I can trust Him to be in control. I'm so unworthy to claim the favor that he promises to me - just by being His child.

And although this season of transition is hard, I hope it only continues to spur us on further. To surrender more freely. To love Him more deeply. To trust Him more intimately.